Did you hear the one about the Marine who took a knife to a gunfight?
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006He won.
From the Seattle PI (also available at a shitload of sources at Google News):
ATLANTA — A former Marine used a pocket knife to fend off a group of would-be robbers, killing one and wounding another, police said.
…
One of the attackers had a shotgun and another had a pistol, Stephens said.
The suspects caught up with Autry, who yelled for help and pulled a knife out of his backpack. He kicked the shotgun out of one of the attacker’s hands and stabbed both a 17-year-old girl who jumped on him and a man who also attacked him.The suspects fled in their car but police found them later at a hospital where the girl was pronounced dead. The man stabbed in the incident was in critical condition, Stephens said.
(Emphasis mine.)
HOLY SHIT! It takes quite the badass to, when accosted by armed robbers with guns, grab a pocketknife, flip out, and stab them. Normally I wouldn’t endorse this kind of response to this situation, but holy shit. If you can pull it off, go for it. (Here’s a tip though: unless you’re a Marine or other certified badass, you can’t pull it off. And no, being a black belt in Tae Kwon Do doesn’t make you a certified badass, at least not to enough of a degree to stab armed robbers.)
First off, an update about my midnight locksmith madness. To your right, you’ll see my original key, which is slightly broken and laying on an invoice I got from the locksmith. This all stems from the fact that my front door lock is not very good. You can’t just shove the key in and turn it, because it won’t work. No, you have to pull the key out slightly to get it to turn. Even then it doesn’t work consistently, and if you pull the key outwards too much you just end up twisting it to the breaking point.
I had to go back to my old place, get my roommate Greg, and use his computer to look up a locksmith. The third or fourth locksmith I called (in Moscow, not Pullman) answered, and drove out to make a copy of my now broken key. I thought my troubles were over, save for the $20 cost and the desperate hope that my landlord would reimburse me. So, early this morning, I left for the old place to pick up my digital camera to take these pictures.
So I came back to my front door. It’s not a flawless front door, but it works. Actually, compared to the rest of the place, the front door is deceptively crappy.
I approach the lock with my brand new key and…it’s not working. Okay, Phil. Calm yourself down and try again, I tell myself. I do so several times, but to no avail. After enough of this, staying calm is an impossible undertaking. Alright, Phil. Get really pissed off and kick the door down, I tell myself now. I place a foot on the door next to the lock and step back.
I begin my attack, but mid-kick, doubts enter my mind. Do I really want a non-locking door? Do I know what I’m doing? Will this cost me even more money? I try again and again with the key, until…finally!…I’m in. I close the door behind me.
Here’s a couch that seems to be included with the place, as is the coffee table and…well…that thing next to the couch that’s like a small coffee table with internal storage space. Those were all here when I showed up, and are presumably included.
More of the living room. The green futon couch and TV are my roommate’s. As if this place actually needed more seating area.
I have a balcony! I cannot understate my joy at this. Finally I can step outside to overlook the rolling hills of Pullman, Washington. Or the sunrise. There’s a barbecue here, and Christmas lights.
Even better, I can SIT and overlook the same thing. Incidentally, the barbecue, chairs, and Christmas lights were here when I moved in. I think they’re included? This place is decently furnished, which makes it a great deal for the rent I’m paying.
Here’s the dining area, featuring yet another futon couch and more chairs than will reasonably fit in the space given. Come to think of it, I think I’m gonna nab one of those chairs so I have a guest chair or two in my room. (Now that I’ve done that, it looks like an office.) One of the chairs could probably stand to be thrown out too—when I picked it up by the handle on top, the backrest pillars pulled out of the seat. The other chairs seem to be in decent condition though. I think my roommate brought more chairs too—no, I don’t know what he was thinking either.
I didn’t do this. They were like this when I looked at the place a couple months ago and they were like this when I moved in. You probably don’t care to know this unless you’re my landlord, but since I’m emailing my landlord a link to this post, here it is.
Here’s my kitchen. All the appliances you see here were there when I got here. Are they included too? If so, I’m definitely getting a good deal. Hell, even if the appliances are abandoned by the former tenants, I’m getting a good deal.
More kitchen, including a very nice, 80’s-era oven. I’m not complaining—the 80’s were a wonderful decade. Too bad I was too young to actually remember them. Actually, all the appliances seem like they’re from the 80’s—the dishwasher looks like a similar vintage, while the microwave is an older model without a carousel.
Here’s the fridge, and the kitchen counter overlooking the living room. 
Art on the wall leading into the hallway to the bedrooms. I’m thinking either the previous tenants aren’t done moving out, or they’re really lazy, or there’s a whole crapload of stuff included with this condo. Very nice, very tasteful.
Laundry machines down the hall, also of 1980’s-era vintage. They work well, although the dryer is less efficient than I’d expected.
Except for the big orange detergent bottle, all that stuff on the laundry alcove shelf was here when I moved in. There is no shortage of stuff that just happens to be in this place.
Here’s the bathroom. Sorry for the bad color and lighting. There’s a box with little polished metal sliders to keep toiletries in above the sink. To the left are some storage cubbies.
I’ve already moved into one of the cubbies. By the way, isn’t that mirror above the toilet a little weird? Yeah, I thought so too.
Here’s the shower, which I am glad to report is excellent.
And now for the place that almost every woman on Earth wants to be: Phil Welch’s bedroom. The bedframe and mattress were there when I moved in, so I simply made them with my bedding. (I think it’s queen size—my queen size sheets sure fit it well!) Incidentally, this is the first time I’ve ever had a bed with a rail like that at the head and foot of the bed. I can’t think of any conceivable use for that sort of thing…
That’s my desk, chair, computer, and accessories moved into the room. It’s a thing of beauty. That light fixture on the top right is actually attached to a ceiling fan, which (I hope) is included.
There’s my closet, with the closet doors closed. There’s a mirror on the wall next to it, which I like because I’m vain.
The inside of the closet, with what appears to be a bookcase, I’m going to use the bookcase for clothes though, since there’s no dresser. And I’m bringing in my bookcase for the room.
My desk. This picture is totally redundant, but I just like my desk so much I had to include two pictures. Of all the desks I’ve ever used, this one is my favorite. I also like the speakers and computer stand.
There’s a disassembled lamp and some sort of USB device on the floor. I’m pretty sure the USB device, at least, was left here. The lamp might be included. I’m not planning to use either and will probably put them away somewhere.
Then there’s this device on the wall. It has a drawstring. When I pull on it, it opens.
Like this. And when I pull the drawstring again, it closes again! I have absolutely no idea what this thing does. I’m hoping someone reading this does. Any ideas?
