People of Boston: You are all idiots
If anyone is reading this blog from Boston, Massachusetts, it is very possible that you are an idiot. I have taken it upon myself to educate the people of Boston, Massachusetts about a very important issue. If you are from Boston, please read this message.
Below you will see two pictures. Before you look at these images, I would like to personally assure you that my website is not an explosive device, so do not panic when you see these pictures. One portrays cartoon characters, and the other portrays an explosive device. Almost everybody who is not from Boston, Massachusetts can correctly identify which is which:
Stumped? Well, here is the correct answer: the first picture is of cartoon characters, while the second picture is of an improvised explosive device discovered in Iraq.
Pictured below is one thing. Your challenge is to identify whether this is an explosive device, or a representation of a cartoon character.
Now, there are many clues that we can use to determine what this device actually is. For instance, we can surmise from the glowing lights that this device is supposed to be obvious, and is clearly meant to be seen. This is not uncommon. Billboards, for instance, are often well-lit because advertisers intend for motorists to see them. People who plant bombs, on the other hand, generally do not want the bombs to be seen, because that would lead to their discovery. Instead, they want to hide bombs alongside roads, in trash cans, or in other places where they will not be discovered until they blow up.
(The people of Boston should know this second part very well, because their distant relatives in Ireland spent most of the last century doing this throughout England, often with the financial assistance of American Irish, from Boston and other American cities.)
Still, many people in Boston were confused and thought that the above advertisement was in fact a bomb. The Attorney General of Massachusetts, Martha Coakley, said the following:
“It had a very sinister appearance. It had a battery behind it, and wires.”
I assume by “a very sinister appearance”, she means that the Mooninite was scowling, with furrowed eyebrows, and a raised middle finger. I’ve never been to Boston, but from what I’ve gathered, that would describe the appearance of many drivers one would encounter in that city, and no one ever thinks they’re going to explode. As for the battery and wires…well, I see I have more work to do than I thought I did.
You see, things like lights are powered by something called electricity, which is an efficient way to transmit energy. Electrical charge can be stored in batteries, and is transmitted from a source (such as a battery) along something called a circuit, along wires. This is normal, and present within all sorts of devices, including cellular phones, computers, iPods, and other electrical devices. Even the electrical devices in your home use wires to connect to wall sockets, which themselves use a complex network of wires to connect to power plants.
Pictured below are a couple everyday items that are powered by large D-cell batteries:
None of the above items are bombs.
I hope this clarifies things.
Hey! Just because the people in charge are idiots doesn’t mean the rest of us cannot recognize a litebrite when we see one!
You have offended my womanly sensibilities! I will now go cry in a corner.