sheer potentiality

Stephanie Vita: Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I hate Valentine’s Day.
Philip Welch: Why don’t you like the anniversary of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre?
Philip Welch: You should take the opportunity to celebrate your Italian heritage.
Stephanie Vita: *laughs*
Stephanie Vita: I don’t have a boyfriend. So the romantic part of it is just crappy to me.
Philip Welch: There’s a romantic part to Valentine’s Day!?
Stephanie Vita: Yea, Phil. Where have you been?
Stephanie Vita: You know, couples, flowers, hearts, jewelry.
Philip Welch: Shhh!
Philip Welch: I’m trying to block that all out!

Join my crusade to take back St. Valentine’s Day. Romance is overrated. Celebrate the massacre instead, and deny that the holiday has any other significance! That’s what I do.

So how exactly do you celebrate the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre? (Note: The following suggestions are only valid within the United States, since that’s where the massacre took place. If you’re outside the United States, don’t celebrate American holidays. There’s probably something that happened in your country on Valentine’s Day, so celebrate that instead.

• Organize a tournament of your favorite violent multiplayer video game.
• Paintball and laser tag are also excellent ways to stage your own massacre.
• Re-enact the actual massacre. 1920’s-era dress and firearms optional, but they add to the authenticity. (Be sure to use blanks!)
• If you can’t stage a full-scale re-enactment, just go for the 1920’s-era dress. Violin cases are optional.
• Celebrate the Prohibition era in general by making some moonshine and smuggling it to your friends, listening to some jazz, or having a closed-doors party in your basement with plenty of liquor.
• Organize some crime yourself! You probably don’t want to go for violent crime, but most non-violent drug crimes are well within the spirit of Al Capone while remaining safe and victimless. Smuggling alcohol to your friends who are younger than 21 works, but you don’t want to do it in a disorganized manner. Organized crime is what we’re celebrating here! If you’re a complete coward, get some friends to jaywalk with you, or drive in a convoy 10 miles per hour above the legal limit. If, like Al, you don’t get caught until two years later, you’ll have good luck for seven years!
• While wanton violence and lawlessness is a key aspect of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre anniversary, don’t forget to celebrate your Italian heritage as well. Even if you don’t have Italian heritage, pretend that you do. It’s great practice for pretending to have Irish heritage next month. While Columbus Day is usually the day to celebrate Italian heritage, it’s also offensive to Native Americans because of Columbus’s involvement in slavery and genocide against their people. True, Italians might not want to celebrate their heritage by celebrating organized crime, but I fail to see how celebrating slavery and genocide makes them look any better.

Me: The cap of my super glue tube is super glued to the tube.
A friend: just twist.
Me: I tried.
Friend: Harder.
Me: The tube exploded.
Friend: …oh…
Friend: oops?
Me: Great.
Me: Now my fingertips are coated in super glue.

I just had an interesting IM conversation regarding Guantanamo Bay, which on this date in 1903, was leased to the United States:

Mike Klein: On this date in 1903, Guantanamo Bay was “perpertually leased” to the US.
Mike Klein: Isn’t that just like buying?
Philip Welch: haha
Philip Welch: not quite
Philip Welch: Cuba retained ownership, but the US has everything else
Mike Klein: What does “ownership” mean, then?
Mike Klein: do we pay cuba?
Philip Welch: we might
Philip Welch: hey, you’re the lawyer here!
Philip Welch: I do have another question about that, though.
Mike Klein: go on…
Philip Welch: The terms of the agreement state that Guantanamo Bay can only be ceded back to Cuba by mutual agreement or by American abandonment
Philip Welch: Doesn’t that mean that Guantanamo Bay can only be ceded back to Cuba when the US says so?
Mike Klein: Yes, of course.
Philip Welch: I mean, it doesn’t matter what Cuba thinks.
Mike Klein: No, it doesn’t.
Mike Klein: Ingenious!
Philip Welch: The “mutual agreement” bit is pretty much redundant.
Philip Welch: with the Guantanamo Bay treaty
Mike Klein: what the US says goes
Philip Welch: the clause that it goes back to Cuba by mutual agrreement between Cuba and the US
Philip Welch: is redundant
Mike Klein: really, cuba doesn’t own it anymore.
Mike Klein: if the US pays rent, would failure to pay rent be “abandonment”?
Mike Klein: i don’t think so
Mike Klein: so if we pay rent, we shouldn’t be
Philip Welch: we pay 2,000 gold coins per year
Philip Welch: which is slightly more than $4,000
Mike Klein: but why?
Philip Welch: Fidel Castro refuses to cash the rent checks
Mike Klein: are you being serious?
Philip Welch: he views the base as illegitimate
Philip Welch: the US has “complete jurisdiction and control” while Cuba has “ultimate soveriegnty”
Mike Klein: What does “ultimate sovereignty” mean?
Philip Welch: is it just me, or does this sound like a pair of six year olds making up names for magic powers that are supposed to be more powerful than each other?
Philip Welch: “Yeah, well *I* have complete jurisdiction and control?”
Philip Welch: “Oh yeah? Well *I* have ULTIMATE SOVEREIGNTY!”
Mike Klein: No, it sounds like the US making some Cuban schmuck think he’s not giving away the farm
Philip Welch: haha
Philip Welch: actually, Guantanamo Bay has one unique advantage, since it isn’t US soil, hypothetically, the government could set up a concentration camp there and not be subject to US law
Philip Welch: oh, wait
Philip Welch: shit

My first ever quotes of the week are from funny Slashdot comments:

First Comment:

It won’t be long before hardware is essentially free, and the software/services you buy are where the money is generated.

Wrong, comrade. Not only hardware will be free, but software will be GNU. Toothbrushes and women will be public property and we will be living in the communism!

Second Comment:

I wore a shirt to AVP [Alien vs. Predator] last night that said on the front “GO PREDATORS” and on the back “ALIENS SUCK”. A lot of odd looks, especially at the gas station after.