sheer potentiality

Me: The cap of my super glue tube is super glued to the tube.
A friend: just twist.
Me: I tried.
Friend: Harder.
Me: The tube exploded.
Friend: …oh…
Friend: oops?
Me: Great.
Me: Now my fingertips are coated in super glue.

I’ve decided lately that I’m going to file several lawsuits for false advertising.

1. Having tried it, I can, in fact, believe that it is not butter.
2. I’ve used Axe for several months now, and not once have I been jumped by strange women in public.
3. My friend Mike informs me that he’s found better buys than he could find at Best Buy.

Let’s sock it to the large corporations.

I just had an interesting IM conversation regarding Guantanamo Bay, which on this date in 1903, was leased to the United States:

Mike Klein: On this date in 1903, Guantanamo Bay was “perpertually leased” to the US.
Mike Klein: Isn’t that just like buying?
Philip Welch: haha
Philip Welch: not quite
Philip Welch: Cuba retained ownership, but the US has everything else
Mike Klein: What does “ownership” mean, then?
Mike Klein: do we pay cuba?
Philip Welch: we might
Philip Welch: hey, you’re the lawyer here!
Philip Welch: I do have another question about that, though.
Mike Klein: go on…
Philip Welch: The terms of the agreement state that Guantanamo Bay can only be ceded back to Cuba by mutual agreement or by American abandonment
Philip Welch: Doesn’t that mean that Guantanamo Bay can only be ceded back to Cuba when the US says so?
Mike Klein: Yes, of course.
Philip Welch: I mean, it doesn’t matter what Cuba thinks.
Mike Klein: No, it doesn’t.
Mike Klein: Ingenious!
Philip Welch: The “mutual agreement” bit is pretty much redundant.
Philip Welch: with the Guantanamo Bay treaty
Mike Klein: what the US says goes
Philip Welch: the clause that it goes back to Cuba by mutual agrreement between Cuba and the US
Philip Welch: is redundant
Mike Klein: really, cuba doesn’t own it anymore.
Mike Klein: if the US pays rent, would failure to pay rent be “abandonment”?
Mike Klein: i don’t think so
Mike Klein: so if we pay rent, we shouldn’t be
Philip Welch: we pay 2,000 gold coins per year
Philip Welch: which is slightly more than $4,000
Mike Klein: but why?
Philip Welch: Fidel Castro refuses to cash the rent checks
Mike Klein: are you being serious?
Philip Welch: he views the base as illegitimate
Philip Welch: the US has “complete jurisdiction and control” while Cuba has “ultimate soveriegnty”
Mike Klein: What does “ultimate sovereignty” mean?
Philip Welch: is it just me, or does this sound like a pair of six year olds making up names for magic powers that are supposed to be more powerful than each other?
Philip Welch: “Yeah, well *I* have complete jurisdiction and control?”
Philip Welch: “Oh yeah? Well *I* have ULTIMATE SOVEREIGNTY!”
Mike Klein: No, it sounds like the US making some Cuban schmuck think he’s not giving away the farm
Philip Welch: haha
Philip Welch: actually, Guantanamo Bay has one unique advantage, since it isn’t US soil, hypothetically, the government could set up a concentration camp there and not be subject to US law
Philip Welch: oh, wait
Philip Welch: shit

I hereby announce my candidacy for the as-yet nonexistent office of World Global Dictator. I would like to ask all existing governments and nations to have referendums and pass laws recognizing me as their Dictator. I also ask for your support and your vote when and if the time comes to install me.

I am campaigning on a platform of fiscal conservatism, a sensible health care policy, and an unyielding will to crush all who would oppose me. Please, vote Phil Welch for World Global Dictator.

Well, the Star Wars Trilogy DVD Box Set is coming out, so it’s more than appropriate to link to this page (found via comments on Slashdot critiquing the controversial decision by George Lucas to change the first film so that Greedo shoots first. It’s called “Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot At Him First”.

My first ever quotes of the week are from funny Slashdot comments:

First Comment:

It won’t be long before hardware is essentially free, and the software/services you buy are where the money is generated.

Wrong, comrade. Not only hardware will be free, but software will be GNU. Toothbrushes and women will be public property and we will be living in the communism!

Second Comment:

I wore a shirt to AVP [Alien vs. Predator] last night that said on the front “GO PREDATORS” and on the back “ALIENS SUCK”. A lot of odd looks, especially at the gas station after.

It looks like my stats package reports the search keyphrases that match philwelch.net when people go Googling for it, so here’s the highlights of July:

do not combine with alcohol

what makes monkey dance lyrics prophet

middle eastern men acting suspiciously

washing machine stunts

my accounting philosophy

two-legged-horse

rifle mao tse-tung quotes

dose god hold the world in his hand

integrate blog in dreamweaver

Enough said.

Here I am in my second period class, posting to my blog. Here’s some remarks from some friends.

Kellen: Nheh.

Tim: Thank goodness it’s Friday.

Kurt: “To believe in something and not to live it is dishonest.”-Mahatma Gandhi

Jessie: No comment.

Mr. Moseley: I don’t know if that’s an appropriate use of the computer.